INT. ARENA SECTION OF MALL - DAY
COLIN MCRAE AND BIANCA DIAZ sit at their desk excited. "Come Together" by Soundgarden plays over the speakers.
Colin: Welcome back to Day 4 of the W2 Classic here at MAWL! I'm Colin McRae here with Bianca Diaz. Bianca, we're a quarter way through this absolute bonkers W2.
Bianca: We've already had injuries, snaps, title matches, an ongoing rivalry that's been eating the women's division - one last spurt before we lose that term I suppose - and one interviewer lose her damn mind.
Colin: Ann Lee could not be with us today, but Irving is back and I hope he's gotten over his first-day jitters.
Bianca: We have two matches in our Pre-Show, one that was scheduled and does not involve individuals in the Round Robin, one that very much has come from this continued rivalry that already saw people acting their basest selves.
Colin: Not great for the soul, but amazing for entertainment. Anyway, let's get this show going! Ash Greaves and Lily Martin are here and we are ready to begin. Ash?
PRE-SHOW
HADRON VS ZODIAC ZAC W/CN STARZ
Ash Greaves and Lily Martin stand in the ring.
Ash: Thank you Colin! The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
A swirling mass of lights surrounds the stage and ramp creating a tunnel of sorts. The Birthday Massacre "Science" plays as a colorful man with blue beard and science themed robe enters. This is Hadron.
Ash: First, from Geneva, Switzerland, weighing 222 pounds, the Scion of Science, HADRON!
Bianca: Our first battle some would consider real science vs fake science.
Colin: Spoken like a true Gemini.
The lights change to a blue tint with rotating golden astrological science. The Flaming Lips "Aquarius Sabotage" plays as a man with a Zodiac themed singlet is joined by a woman in witchy robes. The man is ZODIAC ZAC, the woman is CN STARZ.
Ash: And his opponent, accompanied by C.N. Starz, from Reno, Nevada, weighing in at 212 pounds, the Superstar to the Stars, ZODIAC ZAC!
The bell rings.
Colin: Zodiac Zac calls himself the "Superstar to the Stars."
Bianca: I call him a quack.
Colin: And Hadron wants to call him an ambulance. Starting off with a Double Underhook Suplex into a quick pin attempt, but not even a one count. Hadron with a Belly to Belly suplex. Hadron absolutely drills Zac into the ground with a Cobra Clutch Slam! Zac back up to his feet and roils Hadron with a tornado DDT! Goes for the pin but Hadron rolls Zac around and picks him up, deadlift belly to back suplex! Elbow drop to the back of the head! Goes for another but Zac rolls out of the way. Zac up now, arm wringer flip.
Bianca: Hadron bounces up but eats a roundhouse kick! Zac tries for another, but Hadron ducks and sweeps the leg! Cobra Kai! Zac with a kip up lariat, Hadron stumbles, Zac off the ropes, one-arm bulldog! Crucifix driver, goes for pin, but Hadron rolls away. The roll away gives Zac some space, runs and hits with a European Uppercut and a sharp knee to the midsection! Hadron slams him back with a hard headbutt! Zac gives one right back! Zac throws Hadron into the turnbuckle, half-nelson suplex! WHOA! HADRON JUMPS OVER ZAC ONTO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE, FRONT DROPKICK! HE JUST TOOK A QUANTUM LEAP! Going for the pin-
1!
2!
3!
Hadron wins by pinfall after the Quantum Leap Dropkick!
Ash: Here is your winner, HADRON!
Colin: Guess it just wasn't in the stars for Zac.
Bianca: Guess not, Colin. And now, we get the fallout from yesterday. A triple threat tornado tag match, who knows what'll happen.
TRIPLE-THREAT TORNADO TAG
MORGAN MAVERICK AND BROADWAY BLOOM VS DARIA DONNER AND IRIS CORREA VS KALPANA AND TRAGEDEIGH
Ash stands in the middle of the ring.
Ash: The following contest is a triple-threat tornado tag match and is scheduled for one fall!
Halestom "Dirty Work" plays as Broadway Bloom and Morgan Maverick strut out mouthing off to the crowd.
Ash: First! The team of Morgan Maverick and Broadway Bloom, the Noreaster!
Colin: I heard that the other teams gave themselves names and songs too, so that no one is walking out here alone.
Survivor "Eye of the Tiger" plays as a projection of an eyes whose pupil changes between black and red shows and Daria Donner and Iris Correa run out high-fiving people as small pyro goes off by them.
Ash: Next up, the team of "The Eye-Con" Iris Correa and "Delaware Daredevil" Daria Donner, the Eye of the Storm!
Colin: Donner invoking her cousin in that team name, honestly I don't hate it.
The lights flash blue and black as Muse "The 2nd Law: Unsustainable" plays. When the robot says "Unsustainable" a flash of light hits the stage and Kalpana is seen crouching down in superhero pose and Tragedeigh posing behind her arms outstretched.
The music kicks in and they come down high-fiving people and pointing into the ring before jumping in and mirroring the stage pose in the center of the ring inside a spotlight surrounded by what looks like a black hole.
Ash: And finally, the team of Tragedeigh and Kalpana, the Uncertain Future!
The bell rings.
Bianca: The Uncertain Future are both heading to Path, and it remains to be seen if they decide to remain a team or not. So it's a very fitting team name. Now the Tornado rules are that all people are in the ring at once and the first pin or submission in the ring wins it. That's basically what it comes down to. No other rules.
Colin: And Kalpana blasts Maverick out of the ring with that corkscrew dropkick, and launches herself into shooting star missile dropkick on the outside! Broadway Bloom with a huge spinning side slam to Daria Donner! Tragedeigh with a mask headbutt to Iris Correa! Daria trying to get a rollup onto Bloom but Tragedeigh blasts her with a running dropkick! Maverick whips Kalpana into the steel steps.
Bianca: Tragedeigh now picking Bloom up with a spinning stalling suplex, a little flourish before slamming her down. Daria with a tope con hilo to the outside and right into Kalpana! Daria picks her up...5D! Drives Kalpana's head right into those steel steps! Tragedeigh running at Iris Correa and nails her with the Overture! And now an Overture to Broadway Bloom! Tragedeigh springboard blockbuster to Daria saving her partner! Three Overtures.
Colin: It's important to remember that falls can only happen in the ring, and as of right now both members of Uncertain Future, Daria Donner, and Morgan Maverick are all out of the ring. Iris Correa and Broadway Bloom are the only ones in ring and they're both struggling to get up after Tragedeigh's frenzy. Daria Donner back into the ring with a barbed wire bat and she brains Tragedeigh! Look out though, Kalpana behind you and hits the Canadian Destroyer from the other side! Everyone in the ring now, and Maverick has Donner held up, Bloom absolutely blasting her with that spiked bat! Maverick going for the bridging German Suplex pin now and Bloom chasing the others away with that spiked bat.
1!
2!
3!
Morgan Maverick pins Daria Donner with a German Suplex to win!
Ash: Here are your winners, Morgan Maverick and Broadway Bloom, the Noreaster!
Morgan grabs the mic.
Morgan: We could've owned this W2, the three of us. We could've stayed a team. You should never have walked away. But you had to have a little conscience.
Morgan and Bloom do a 3D on Donner.
Bianca: I'm beginning to think that Morgan Maverick may keep this attitude beyond the W2. The Noreaster may live on. And Daria Donner is going to have a very bad day.
Colin: Speaking of very bad days, we're about to get into the W2, and you have to feel for Dagger, as he's going face to face with the man who decimated both him and Greg Arias.
W2 ROUND ROBIN
Ash stands in the middle of the ring.
Ash: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
The lights are black. Like black black. "Mitternacht" by e nomine plays and all that can be seen is the smiley faces which also glow on the poles facing into the ring. Once Rade gets into the ring he closes his hands around his face to cover the mask and the lights go on.
Ash: First, from deep in the Black Forest, weighing in at 355 pounds, Der Blutsammler, RADE!
Bianca: I find myself thinking about what Ann said, about his name. It is a strange thing that we've not seen blood from him.
Colin: His enemies don't last long enough to bleed. Maybe this one will be different.
“D is for Dangerous” by Arctic Monkeys plays as Dangerous Johnny Dagger walks out running and aggressively pointing at the audience.
Ash: And, from Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina weighing in at 202 lbs, Dangerous Johnny Dagger!
The bell rings.
Bianca: And Dagger off the ropes...he actually catches Rade with a dropkick! Evades Rade's hand and another Dropkick! Dagger using his speed to come back around and-
Colin: Welp, Rade got him by the throat and up Dagger goes, we know how this story goes, catches him into the 7 Feet Under Chokeslam, one handed pin-
1!
2!
3!
Rade wins by Pinfall with the 7 Feet Under!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, RADE!
Colin: Well, Dagger has done the best against him so far. And by best, I mean he's actually gotten hits on him.
Bianca: I feel that Rade has gotten stronger since the last W2. I think he had at least one loss by Round 4.
Colin: I think you're right. But this iteration of him seems near immovable.
Bianca: He may be the odds-on favorite to win the whole thing. I hope someone can at least give him a better fight though.
Colin: On better, hopefully the next fight will give one of its competitors a much needed boost, as they both sit toward the bottom of the pile.
Ash stands in the center of the ring.
Ash: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
The mall turns into a full on dance floor with smoke machine and laser show as Deorro Feat. Elvis Crespo "Baillar" plays. The audience engages in the dancing and out comes Neon Juan busting various moves. He grinds, flexes his abs at various members of the audience and flirts with anyone of an adult age as he walks down the arena. He smells of intense cologne. He uses the turnbuckle pole as a dancer pole for a moment then shakes his chest on the top turnbuckle as he takes off his vest.
Ash: First, from La Santa, Mexico, weighing 235 pounds, El Divertido, Neon Juan Guyverno!
Next is Taylor Tekk who comes out in a lab coat to “The Scientist” by Dandy Warhols and waves to the crowd as he walks in the ring.
Ash: And his opponent, from San Diego, California, weighing in at 195 pounds, the Modern Magician, Taylor Tekk!
The bell rings.
Bianca: And Tekk, I'm truly wondering if he has a future here after this W2. He just hasn't been able to get his groove together. It's a shame, he's a sweet guy, but I don't know if he is cut out for this.
Colin: If he continues listening to Cindy Sweet, who is improving, he may have a shot, but I'm nervous for him. And Juan off the ropes, hits Tekk with the tornado DDT. Tekk coming back to his feet and going for the running clothesline, drives Juan down a bit, locks in a hatch suplex and able to pull it off. Throwing the fists now and Juan backing up, Juan catches a fist and arm wringer flip!
Bianca: Tekk undeterred, charges for the spear and oh no! Juan moves out of the way, Tekk caught up on the ropes, and he's in trouble now...Juan coming around for the Tiger Feint, which he calls the Juan Shot, nails him! Up top, gets the somersault going and Knee-On! Covers-
1!
2!
3!
Neon Juan Guyverno wins by pinfall with the Knee-On!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, Neon Juan Guyverno!
Bianca: And Taylor takes the long walk back as Juan continues to dance and celebrate. We've had two quick matches so far, let's see what happens next as four of our six competitors from the triple tag will be in action back to back.
INT. BACKSTAGE AREA - CONTINUOUS
IRVING BARTH stands with Daria Donner.
Irving: Daria, you've now got only one match before you get Broadway Bloom one on one. What's going through your mind after your match in the pre-show?
Daria: OOOOOOOOH Irvo you better believe this chick made a major mistake driving barbed wires into my stomach. You think that's enough to end me Broadway? Bitch I've been a stuntwoman. I've been set on fire. I've been up and down taller buildings than you could ever think to throw me from so lemme tell you something and you better get this through your head Bloomin Onion I am going to break you in that ring I'm going to break every element of you except one, and that's your losing streak. Hope you like that 0 cause it's not goin anywhere ooh yeah! Let's go! LET'S GO!
Daria hits the locker and walks out.
Irving: Back to you Colin and Bianca.
INT. ARENA SECTION OF THE MALL - CONTINUOUS
Ash and Lily stand in the middle of the ring as Colin and Bianca sit on the mic.
Colin: Donner taking pages from the Savage School of Speech there.
Bianca: You gotta love "Bloomin Onion" though. Think we can get an Outback sponsorship?
Ash: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin.
The Lights Go completely Out, then a Single Spotlight hits the Stage. Nightwish "Phantom of the Opera" cues up and Tragedeigh sweeps her arms up as if conducting the crescendo. The spotlight follows her down the ramp as she keeps her arms open. Some fans sing along. She enters the ring and bows sweeping. The lights come on at this time.
Ash: First, from Edina, Minnesota, the Gen-Z Dramaturge, Tragedeigh!
Bianca: Hometown hero, did a lot in the triple threat match but could not stop the terror of the Noreaster.
Colin: Hoping to score a win here.
The lights go green and the projection of a giant eye illuminates the ramp. "Under My Umbrella" by Incubus plays as Iris Correa walks out in her scrubs and high-fives audience members.
Ash: And her opponent, from Denver, Colorado, "the Eye-Con" Iris Correa!
Colin: Iris seeming to turn a new leaf, some fans embracing it, others unsure, but the proof will be in the pudding.
The bell rings.
Bianca: Iris throwing Tragedeigh off the ropes, catches her into the Cobra Clutch Slam! Tragedeigh up and goes for a spinning heel kick but Iris flips her backwards! Iris off the ropes now, going for the Shining Wizard, Tragedeigh ducks just in time and comes back up with a Spinning Wheel Kick! Iris rolling back now, off the ropes and comes back with a swinging neckbreaker.
Colin: Picking Tragedeigh up by her arm now and gets her in the Fireman's Carry, Samoan Drop! There's one sign of a possible new outlook, Iris before would have taken Tragedeigh by the hair. Off the ropes, rolling senton and just misses! Tragedeigh attempts to get a headlock going but Iris nails the jawbreaker to reverse it and hits a somersault powerbomb.
1!
Bianca: Tragedeigh hits a corkscrew neckbreaker with just a bit of flourish! Tragedeigh with a bow and she runs into a corkscrew splash!
1!
Colin: Iris kicks out! Iris throws Tragedeigh off the ropes and back for a hip toss! Tragedeigh is up and Iris catches her with a jumping roundhouse! Standing moonsault knee drop! Iris up top now, looks like we might get an Eye Drop...Tragedeigh up and catches Iris into a spinebuster!! Holy Hell! And bridges a pin.
1!
2!
Bianca: Iris pushes Tragedeigh up into a Surfboard Stretch! Tragedeigh trying to get to the ropes, and able to wrangle her legs free. Gymnastics training paying off now! Has her legs on the top rope! Is she...yes! She's Defying Gravity!
Tragedeigh performs a Top Rope Slingblade, which she calls Defying Gravity.
1!
2!
3!
Tragedeigh wins by pinfall with Defying Gravity!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, Tragedeigh!
Bianca: And Tragedeigh offers Iris a hand up, and she takes it! Iris raises Tragedeigh's hand in victory, and they bow together! What a show of sportsmanship! You love to see it.
Colin: Iris Correa truly is taking a new approach. The Iris of old would have dropped her with a DDT.
Bianca: With all the surprise attacking and bad blood, it's refreshing to see two people act like adults.
Colin: And that bad blood is sure to spill this next match.
Ash is in the ring prepared to announce the next match.
Ash: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
The keyboard opening for "Song for the Dead" by Queens of the Stone Age blares as the lights go red and the titantron shows a shocked turn to camera meme, that turns into an explosion. The guitar kicks in, with the lights flashing between red and white and small fireworks going off in time with the drums. Once the drum riff leads into the frenetic guitar/drum interplay Daria charges down the ring like a madwoman. The fireworks continue to go off in time with the drums and Daria charges right through the ring sliding through the ropes, into a front flip and an Ultimate Warrior style rope shaking after which she lets out a scream.
Ash: First, from Rehoboth, Delaware, the Delaware Daredevil DARIA DONNER!
A small red curtain and red carpet lay out as "Lost and Found" from the City of Angels musical plays. Broadway Bloom preens and poses as she walks down.
Ash: And her opponent, from New York, New York, Broadway Bloom!
The bell rings and Donner immediately starts unloading haymakers.
Bianca: Normally Bloom likes to razz her opponents, but today she just wanted to get in there and show what she's made of. Looks like Daria is also looking to see what she's made of. This is Ali level punching from Daria and Bloom cannot get a word in. Daria throws Bloom off the rope and flip-over neckbreaker! Daria sends Bloom across the pond again, leapfrog, Bloom runs back and tries to catch Daria into an electric chair maneuver but Daria chooses the Poison Rana life instead! Daria herself off the rope now and People's Moonsault! An absolute barrage by Daria Donner!
Colin: Throwing Bloom into the turnbuckle now, STINGER SPLASH! Bloom is in serious trouble now as she crumples down into a Fireman's Carry takeover by Donner. Donner picks her up and shoulder first into the ringpost! Daria is hopping mad! Throws her to the ringside now, uses the top rope for leverage and CORKSCREW MOONSAULT SPLASH! Launches Bloom into the barricade!
1!
Bianca: The way this is going Donner could have ended the match at any time but it's clear she wants to hurt Bloom.
Colin: She did say that she wants to break every part of Bloom, and you see that in action now!
2!
Bianca: Dragging Bloom over and whips her into the steel steps!
Daria: Get up! Get up bitch!
3!
Colin: Sandwiching Bloom's head between her foot and the side of the steps now! She...she has Bloom's arm on the steps, and steps in the open spot! Bloom is screaming in pain!
4!
Colin: Really working that arm as she slams it down on the steps again! Finally throwing Bloom back into the ring and-wait! She's got Bloom's legs! She's wrapping them around the post! STOMPS ON THE LEG!
5!
Bianca: Daria finally in the ring and I don't think the devil's completely left Daria, this is a level of aggression that is beyond what we saw coming.
Colin: This isn't the devil, Bianca, this is just hate for Bloom. Daria is a spiteful fighter. Going over to the corner, stomping Bloom out, grabbing the legs and WRAPS THEM AROUND THE ROPE IN A BOSTON CRAB! Martin begging her off and Daria finally lets go. Bloom is just absolutely shattered, Daria takes her up to the top and DAREDEVIL DRIVER! Top rope Devil Driver and this massacre is finally over! A flawless victory by Daria, and we may need the ambulance out here!
1!
2!
3!
Daria Donner wins by pinfall with the Daredevil Driver!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, Delaware Daredevil Daria Donner!
A stretcher is wheeled out and Broadway Bloom is wheeled out on it.
Bianca: And the medical team has indeed been called to deal with Bloom and OH LORD! DONNER DOWN AND KICKS THE STRETCHER! SHE PICKS BLOOM UP AND 5D!! THIS IS MADNESS!!! The medical team holds Daria off as they re-load Bloom and get her out!
Colin: Daria said she would break Broadway Bloom and she has done just that. I don't know what's going to happen next!
Daria storms out of the arena area.
Bianca: And Daria working off a head of steam, and I hope Irving gives her some breadth. We should jump into our men's side of things. Down to Ash.
Ash stands in the ring.
Ash: Thanks Bianca. The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
The first man comes out to pink lights with little projections of sprinkles to the ring, with a donut painted on his chest and offering donuts to people, to the song System of a Down "Sugar". This is Sprinkl.
Ash: First, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing at 211 pounds, Sprinkl!
A cheerful man engages the crowd in a slow "wave your hands in the air" to the tune of Trik Turner "Friends and Family" as he walks to the ring. This is Greg Arias.
Ash: And, his opponent, from Boise, Idaho, weighing in at 301 pounds, Good Dude Greg Arias!
The bell rings.
Colin: Between Capybara and Sprinkl, this week has already shown that you can't underestimate anyone even if they seem ridiculous. Greg starting a lockup, you can see he's not getting too overconfident in it. And he hits him with a Backdrop Suplex! Picks him up for a Cyclone Suplex! And now a Gutwrench Suplex! The Donut man is getting dunked! Going for a Pumphandle move, Sprinkl reverses it into a modified Reverse STO! Rolling Neck Snap to Arias and swinging back around to a basement dropkick! Arias tries to get up and Sprinkl drills him with a Corkscrew Roundhouse Kick! Sprinkl with a Snap DDT.
Bianca: Sprinkl has speed and confidence for miles, and the kids love him. Sliding into a swinging neckbreaker and tries to go over for the splash but no one home and he belly flops. Arias with a deadlift Gutwrench Suplex! Sprinkl rolls and comes off the ropes with a rolling wheel kick! And again he comes flying and head scissor whip! Wait, no, Arias stops the spin and flattens him with a facebuster! Sprinkl getting a little frustrated now, charges with a chop block and ARIAS EVADES WITH A JUMP AND SPRINKL FLAT ON HIS FACE AGAIN, ARIAS WITH AN ELBOW DROP AND PICKS HIM UP...DUDEBUSTER! Goes for the pin...
1!
2!
3!
Greg Arias wins by pinfall with the Dudebuster!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, Good Dude Greg Arias!
Colin: And he helps Sprinkl up and gives him a supportive pat on the back.
INT. BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS
Gilbert Glass goes into his dressing room to find Perry Payne knocked out with a lute smashed over his head.
Gilbert: Perry? Perry? What the f-
He sees the Minstrel hiding in one of the lockers.
Gilbert: YOU.
Jolly: Nonny Nonny Good Sir, I can write a tune for-ACK
Jolly's please are stopped by Gilbert launching him into the lockers back first, then drags him by the nape out into the-
INT. ARENA SECTION - CONTINUOUS
Gilbert holds the Minstrel out over the stage area and has a mic in his hand.
Gilbert: Hey Powderbrain! I got your little songsmith right here!
Bianca: That might be the most consecutive words I've heard Gilbert say.
Gilbert: He's about to take a bow.
Colin: Apparently Perry Payne was found backstage with the lute smashed over his head.
Gilbert Glass Military Press Slams Jolly the Minstrel off the stage. This brings Landon Gentry out.
Landon: What-what is the meaning of this, you damaging my property?
Gilbert: Your little stooge here brained my friend with a lute.
Landon: Maybe you should reconsider being friends with s-
Gilbert spears Landon on the stage, then throws fists. Gilbert and Landon begin throwing punches. Gilbert slams Landon onto the stage with a powerbomb. Landon takes his cane and swings it into Gilbert's midsection. Gilbert takes a camera and smashes it in Landon's face. Lily Martin signals them to come to the ring.
Colin: This...this is supposed to be our next match! What's going on here! Landon Gentry is walking away, he's refusing to get into the ring, and Gilbert Glass is trying to drag him back into the arena and uses a ripcord lariat to stop him in place. But Landon is running! And Gilbert is giving chase!
Lily Martin waves her hands and the bell is rung. Ash steps in the ring.
Ash: Per ruling of Referee Lily Martin, due to both competitors refusing to enter the ring for the match, it has been declared a no contest! Both Landon Gentry and Gilbert Glass will be given one point for tie in the Round Robin!
Bianca: Welp, there you have it folks. I guess we move on.
Ash: The next contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
GoGoGadjet "No One Likes Us/Fly Eagles Fly Remix" plays. The crowd boos Morgan Maverick, who flicks her hair onstage and struts out, occasionally simultaneously blowng kisses and flipping off the audience.
Bianca: Wait...wasn't the next match Emma Janeer and Kira Dain?
Ash: First, from... (beat, momentarily confused by the music then switches gear) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the Philly Phirebrand, MORGAN MAVERICK!
Morgan motions to give her the microphone. Ash hesitates and Morgan snatches it from their hands.
Morgan: Yeah, what's up, idiots? That's right, Emma, I cut you in line, and I've already been announced so guess you're just gonna have to wait, little Disney girl. Grow up and take what's yours or keep getting blown off, see if I care. Now before my opponent comes out, I have something else to say so all of you shut the hell up. First of all, I heard the two idiots at the desk try to assuage you losers that this is just a phase. Nah, I decided I like this me, so this is how it's gonna be from here on out. Morgan takes what she wants and she stands in her rightful place as better than all of you Dollar Store Canadians, here and everywhere else. Second of all, I direct this to Daria Donner. You sent my partner out in a stretcher. And I'm pissed about that, but it also tells me the devil is still there within you. If she ever wants to come out and play, give me a call. Now, who's this loser I'm about to beat the hell out of?
Morgan shoves the microphone back at Ash. DNCE "Cake by the Ocean" cues up as a woman comes out fist pumping, occasionally alternating mimicking mixing a bowl. This is Sugar Cooki. Morgan laughs scornfully.
Ash: And her opponent, from the Jersey Shore, Sugar Cooki.
The bell rings. Morgan mimics yawning.
Colin: And Morgan showing the full extent of her arrogance, as Sugar Cooki takes offense to Morgan's actions, and charges Morgan...Morgan with the hip toss and Sugar bounces off the ground! Sugar charges her again and Morgan lifts her up into a Guerilla Press! Morgan just scoffing at her!
Fans chant "SUGAR COOKI" and "Shoot the Eagle!"
Bianca: Sugar Cooki is used to being the arrogant one, the one being booed. It's a weird position she's finding herself in. But Morgan in this crowd has successfully positioned herself as Public Enemy #1. And she whips Sugar Cooki off the ropes and Hair Pull Mat Slam! Sits on her back and loading haymakers into Sugar Cooki's face, and gouging the eyes now! OOF! THROAT CHOP!
Colin: Sugar Cooki seems very uncomfortable in this situation, she can't seem to get it going, but the chants are coming louder and louder and you see it starting to take hold a little as Sugar Cooki trying to rotate her body and face, Morgan, she SPITS IN MORGAN'S FACE! Morgan skeeved and that gives Sugar the chance to throw fists back! Monkey flips Morgan off! T-Bone Suplex by Sugar and off the ropes with a back elbow! Sugar going to the middle rope, looks like she's going for the Cooki Cutter, but Morgan catches her! Tilt-a-Whirl Powerslam! Cooki rolls outside of the ring to catch her breath.
Bianca: Morgan mimics stretching out and taking a nap!
1!
Colin: Morgan miming enjoying a cocktail and cigar and casually flips off the fans! Is Sugar going to get in the ring?
2!
Bianca: Sugar comes into the ring and tries to catch Morgan off-guard, but Morgan rolls down and laughs at Sugar from the apron! Now she's just toying with her! She's really getting into Sugar Cooki's head, LOW BLOW TO SUGAR! Jumps over the rope, Cartwheel Fireman's Carry Slam! PHIRE IN THE HOLE! Going for the pin!
1!
2!
3!
Morgan Maverick wins by pinfall with Phire in the Hole!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, Morgan Maverick!
In classic heel fashion, Morgan mimes crying to the audience as she leaves, then throws her head up and laughs as she exits the stage door.
Bianca: She's truly living her best life in this role.
Colin: And now for the match we were supposed to get!
Ash is in the middle of the ring.
Ash: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
The lights go blue and sparkly, the instrumental version of "Going the Distance" from Hercules plays and the tron around Emma shows the Cinderella castle with fireworks in the tron. Emma sashays in. She puts the Minnie glasses on a fan and waves to the crowd as she enters the ring. She leans against a turnbuckle and winks at the crowd.
Ash: First, from Celebration, Florida, the Powerslam Princess, EMMA JANEER!
We hear the sweeping entrance of a news broadcast as a voice says "Now here's Kira Dain with the weather" as Kira Dain enters onto the stage.
The voice keeps its newscaster voice as the music abruptly cuts and says "And Pain." At this point Kira takes off her blazer to reveal her wrestling top to cheers from the crowd as fireworks go off on the ramp. The music shifts to Nita Strauss feat. Dorothy "Victorious" and she pumps her arms with the crowd as she walks down the ring. She gets in the ring and rips off the skirt to reveal her wrestling trunks.
Ash: And her opponent, from Sheridan, Wyoming, KIRA DAIN!
The bell rings.
Colin: And Kira in from the start, throwing hooks, alternating right and left, increasing speed and Emma is now in full defense mode.
Bianca: I don't think she was prepared for a boxing match, but Kira's MMA background shines through.
Colin: So true, Bianca. Kira throws Emma towards the ropes and a rough over the shoulder arm drag to send Emma crashing back to the mat, and good follow up with running high knee. Judo throw sends Emma crashing to the other side, and Kira now locking in that armbar submission.
Bianca: Emma reversing with a flip, arm wringer and Fujiwara Armbar! Kira has a high pain tolerance and isn't showing too much of a struggle, and able to roll herself over and get some punches to the outside of Emma's leg, causing her to release the hold. Kira with a combo of quick kicks now, Emma once again trying to find an opening and OH GRABS THE LEG AND CAPTURE SUPLEX! EMMA IS BACK IN IT!
Colin: Emma grabs the legs and it looks like we're going for a swing! Kira bites the ground with intensity. Emma picking a head of speed, could we be seeing the Dis-Knee? NO KIRA DUCKS IT AND GRABS THE LEG! GOING IN FOR AN ANKLE LOCK AND EMMA REVERSES WITH A BACKFLIP KICK! HIGH ANGLE SPINEBUSTER! Little momentum and an Asai Moonsault! Going for a pin.
1!
Bianca: Kira kicks out and trying to get a Chancery going, going for the bridge, starting to get the hand up and Emma is forcing herself to move! Holy moly did Emma just do a 180 degree flatliner??
Colin: In some ways this is actually bad for Kalpana, her whole deal is that she innovates moves but we've been seeing some smart and unexpected ways to get things into play so she'll either need to up her game or find something new. Meanwhile Kira Dain does not seem to be able to maintain submission holds and she may need to switch her gameplan a bit herself.
Bianca: It was a strong start but Emma's a solid competitor. Emma picks Kira up and scoop slam! And Emma is about to wish upon a Star! Standing Shooting Star Press! Going for the pin!
1!
2!
Colin: Reversed into a victory roll by Kira Dain!
1!
2!
Bianca: Emma kicks out of the victory roll! Emma taking a breath, Kira taking a breath, and back at it with a lock up. Emma takes her up and drives her down with a Gourdbuster!
Colin: I pick them up and I put them down.
Bianca: Emma throws Kira into the turnbuckle...gets her up and I think we could be seeing the conclusion here....MAGIC CARPET RIDE! Kira Dain in a whole new world of pain! The cover...
1!
2!
3!
Emma Janeer wins by pinfall with the Magic Carpet Ride!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points....EMMA JANEER!!
Emma Janeer raises her hand and exits the ring. As she leaves, Crash Course Craig Convery drags Perry Payne, still out, to the ring.
Bianca: Well at least he had the right match order.
Colin: Leila Blake must be losing her mind. She's tried so hard to contain the chaos of this tournament.
Bianca: Also a lute shot doesn't take that long to heal from and I don't see the dummy anywhere, so I have to wonder if Convery reapplied the pain.
Craig Convery points at Ash, then at Lily, then points at himself and Perry and nods. When they appear confused, Convery takes the mic from Ash.
Craig: One fall, points for Robin, (points to self, singing) Here we go way too faaast don't look now you're gonna craaaash (points to Perry) Instruments, Instruments, Instruments
Lily and Ash look at each other and come to a realization, then ring the bell. Craig Convery immediately hits the C4 on Perry and pins him.
1!
2!
3!
Crash Course Craig Convery wins by pinfall with the C4!
Ash: Here is your...winner and awarded three points...Crash Course Craig Convery!
Primitives "Crash" plays over the speaker while Craig celebrates like he just won an Ironman Match and is shocked about it.
Colin: You gotta admit, instrument instrument instrument was the best superstar rendition of a theme song we've ever had impromptu.
Bianca: I have no words.
Gilbert Glass comes to the stage with a mic and walks down the ramp as he talks.
Gilbert: Now it's no secret that I don't like to say much, and normally Perry does the lion's share of talkin' for us, but you got me a mite motor-mouth today cause someone's gotta speak for us and you keep attacking my brother in arms. Convery, you and I both know you didn't earn those three points, and Lando Calprissian chicken shat out of our match, so we're gonna see both o' y'all bright and early tomorrow in a little tag match. And wear your best crash helmet, cause you're gonna find out where the window is and where you're goin' real fast. Until then, what you're gonna do, is you're gonna get the hell outta the ring before I beat your ass and I'm gonna come collect my friend here. Got it pal?
Gilbert points to the stage door and Craig Convery goes. Gilbert scoops up Perry Payne and carries him to the back.
Bianca: He should speak more. That was actually a good call-out.
Colin: It's the Silent Bob rule. Quality over quantity. But let's get to our next match, with two people on the more top end of the Round Robin.
Ash enters the ring.
Ash: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
Habitually Henry "Capybara" plays as Capybara pops up and down in the audience before flipping into the ring.
Ash: First, from Bang Phra, Thailand, weighing in at 201 pounds, Capybara!
Bianca: Capybara's notched wins against both members of Manifestation, and did so without cheating.
Colin: And here he is squaring off against the champion, it'll be interesting to see where this goes, Bianca.
The lights go out, and we hear the yell of "SCHMETTERLIIIIIIING" and the crowd goes nuts as Schmetterling walks out to Rammstein "Mein Herz Brennt" with a mini flamethrower that he shoots in the sky whenever "BRENNT" is yelled.
Ash: And his opponent, from Mellrichstadt, Germany, weighing in at 219 pounds, the MAWL Champion, SCHMETTERLIIIIIING!!!
The bell rings, as Capybara and Schmetterling square off.
Bianca: And Capybara and Schmetterling about to engage in some animal anarchy in the ring, a lock-up and hammerlock DDT by Schmetterling! Schmetterling picks Capybara up and crunches him with a high-angle backbreaker! Schmetterling sends Capybara off the ropes and sidewalk slam! Schmetterling going for a pop up powerbomb and Capybara comes down with a falling dropkick! Capybara with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and Schmetterling just barely lands on his feet.
Colin: That was a superhero landing from Schmetterling and now you can see he's thinking about what his strategy should be going forward. He's starting to realize that Capybara may actually be a threat.
Bianca: Schmetterling giving the Matrix come here taunt. Looks like he's thinking better of charging on the attack and is choosing to play defense. Capybara takes the bait and charges - OH FLAPJACK RESPONSE BY SCHMETTERLING! Schmetterling locking in a Camel Clutch and Capybara trying to inch his way to the ropes, just rests his big ol' head on the ropes and Schmetterling lets go. Schmetterling pulling Capybara back, trying to lock in a Boston Crab and Capybara with his arms free reaching for the ropes but Schmetterling elevates the Crab pulling Capybara away!
Colin: People ask what the purpose of elevating a move like this is and you see exactly what the benefit is here. If you shrink the length of the body then you make it more difficult to get to the ropes.
Bianca: Agreed, Colin, but the disadvantage is you're also giving your opponent opportunity to get leverage and you can see that Capybara is starting to planet his hands down and sure enough that gave him an opportunity to push Schmetterling to the middle rope with his feet!
Colin: Schmetterling draped over the rope and Capybara running - OH LEG DROP! It does send Capybara outside but he still has the momentum and gets himself back on the apron. Victory roll by Capybara...
1!
2!
Bianca: Schmetterling gets his shoulder up and running now into a hidden blade. Gets Capybara into the double underhook and lifts Capybara up...Capybara trying to roll his body back like he's gymnast training and swings his body back with force to Schmetterling startling him! Capybara gets to the other side of Schmetterling, runs behind and Corkscrew Axe Kick! Backs himself into a corner....here we go! SHINING WI-ZARD! TAKING A RIDE ON THE RIVERBOAT!
Colin: Throwing fists now and picks Schmetterling up! BEAR HUG! He's spinning around and holding it in and he calls this the CAPYBARA HUG! The spinning is smart, it prevents Schmetterling from getting any sense of stable point of reference for rope! Crushing further and Schmetterling calls it! THE CHAMP TAPS OUT!
Capybara wins by Submission with the Capybara Hug!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, Capybara!
Bianca: And we're now down to our last two matches. But before we get into this, we have Irving backstage with Johnny Dagger. Irving?
INT. BACKSTAGE - MOMENTS LATER
Irving stands with Dangerous Johnny Dagger.
Irving: Dangerous Johnny Dagger. You have the distinction of getting the furthest along in fighting Rade.
DJD: Also the distinction of winning a title shot and headlining the first ever MAWL Madness Weekly Show. But sure, Isaac, let's talk about someone who won't be here after this event.
Irving: It's Irving.
DJD: Guy, I don't really care. You're an intern, an interim, an insignificant little insect who will be relegated to inquiring about iced coffee. Once Ann returns, this is out of your purview. I'm an up-and-coming main eventer, man, don't put me in the context of some overgrown child, some Frankenstein who doesn't know his own strength who will be a footnote in MAWL's history once the W2 is in the rearview. Speaking of rearview, see you in mine.
DJD walks out, leaving Irving flustered.
Irving: Back to you up front.
INT. ARENA SECTION - CONTINUOUS
Bianca and Colin sit at the desk. Bianca is simmering a little bit.
Bianca: I'm seriously gonna fight some of these dudes. Irving is a little angel baby.
Colin: Given commentators' history in wrestling of in-ring action, I wouldn't give anyone any ideas lest we find you on the pre-show.
Bianca: I have an in-ring history, Colin, you know that, so this may have to happen.
Colin: You heard it here first, folks, Bianca Diaz wants to fight Dangerous Johnny Dagger.
Bianca: Okay now let's not mention specifics just yet. Also, let's get to our next match before something goes down. Ash, you down there?
Ash stands in the ring with Lily.
Ash: Sure am! The following contest is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the round robin!
"Freedom" by Nepali band Sparkle rocks through the speakers as the lights go dark blue and the lights approximate a planetarium laser show. Kalpana does a flip into Spiderman pose on the stage, then runs down the ramp and springboards into a flip over the rope into the Spiderman pose.
Ash: First, from Inaruwa, Nepal, The Innovator of Inaruwa, KALPANA!
The drum riff hits to the instrumental version of Nothing But Thieves "Trip Switch" hits as three lightning bolts shoot from an image of the Manx three-leg symbol done as gears. The lights give a flickering feeling, as if power surging. Tamara punches the ground then raises her arm slowly. Tamara walks down the ring, cracking her fists, all business. The crowd cheers, but she pays them no mind. She's all business. She enters the ring and punches the ground again, then slowly raises her shades off and gives the smallest of smiles.
Ash: And her opponent, from Onchan, Isle of Man, the Circuitbreaker TAMARA RIVERS!
The bell rings.
Bianca: And it's a battle of innovation versus tradition! Tamara Rivers locks Kalpana up and Oklahoma Slam! Kalpana on her feet, charges and Rivers with an overhead Belly to Belly! I wouldn't take my eyes of Kalpana though, the opening is all she needs to...seems like a Backstabber but she pushes Tamara forward instead of back! And this allows her to get in a chinlock with knees pressed into the back! Rivers trying to reach behind her to get the arms off but I don't think your arms bend that way...next plan is to punch Kalpana in the head and that seems to do it! Rivers with a cross-legged armbar now and Kalpana easily gets to the ropes.
Colin: Rivers lets her up, Kalpana comes off the ropes and flips over Rivers, hitting her with an upside-down bell clap as she passes! Jumping backwards and titlt-a-whirl headscissors! Tamara showing a little bit of frustration, Kalpana runs off the ropes and double cartwheel into a NO TAMARA SAID I'M DOWN WITH THIS AND CATCHES HER INTO A RUNNING POWERSLAM! This is where we see one of the concerns with Kalpana's approach is that she focuses so much on the creativity she doesn't always consider the execution and being privy to this contest where she's not alone in being creative may be causing her to lose her edge a little.
Bianca: You're absolutely right, Colin, you can see her head turning to the gears of how can I do something new versus how do I get my opponent down, where Tamara just wants to keep you grounded. Kalpana backs up for a second to catch her breath then executes a flawless sunset flip powerbomb that she is immediately rolling backwards into a Boston Crab! Tamara a bit on the pained side but is getting to the ropes and she makes it. Kalpana with a quick hip drop to try to get Tamara off the ropes but Tamara shrugs her off. Kalpana undeterred, runs back with Tamara still trying to get up from the ropes and using Tamara as a ramp to a front flip mushroom stomp! Tamara is struggling and can't seem to get herself up, and Kalpana is using this as a testing ground! Sliding under the inclined body and a punch upward into the gut! Get up, Rivers!
Colin: Kalpana out onto the apron, launching herself and Rivers gets her left leg up for a rope assisted superkick! The momentum carries Kalpana out of the ring and that looks like it was a rough landing! Lily Martin over to the ropes now!
1!
Bianca: Kalpana looks absolutely flattened! Tamara seems surprised she was able to pull that off!
2!
Tamara (to crowd): I believe in Gef! I believe in Gef!
Bianca: And the crowd going along with the Gef chant! Tamara Rivers making believers of them!
3!
Colin: I believe in Gef! I believe in Gef! It's catchy!
4!
Bianca: Kalpana needs to get up! She may actually get counted out!
5!
Colin: We've got one more match to go after this, Zora Luthor takes on Cindy Sweet. At this point I don't know if it's safer for Kalpana to just take the count out and come back tomorrow.
6!
Bianca: Kalpana getting to her feet! She has some life left in her Colin!
7!
Colin: Kalpana is up! Onto the apron. Just get in the ring.
Bianca: Kalpana looking at Tamara's readiness, choosing to take the high road in instead, going for a somersault forearm shot and TAMARA CATCHES HER! TAMARA LIFTS HER UP AND IS SHE GOING WHERE YES SHE IS OVER TO THE TURNBUCKLE AND FREE FALL DOWN! MACHINEHEAD! And wasting no time getting her up in the bulldog headlock, up Kalpana goes, MODDEY DHOO! It's all over but the crying.
1!
2!
3!
Tamara Rivers wins by Pinfall with the Moddey Dhoo!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, The Circuitbreaker Tamara Rivers!
Colin: And the Circuitbreaker scoops Kalpana up and carries her backstage! That's compassion for you.
Bianca: We've said it numerous times but there is nothing like a good show of sportsmanship and love. And here we go! It's the last match of the night!
Ash: Our final contest of the night is scheduled for one fall and will count towards points in the Round Robin!
A backstage video plays of Zora Luthor angrily leaving Leila Blake's office and walking towards the stage area.
Colin: We're receiving word that Luthor attempted to petition President Blake to have Jenkins and Taylor Tekk out here and was rejected.
Bianca: That's right, her match yesterday happened on technicality and this is the first time she'll be sans Jenkins.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Rich" plays Zora Luthor storms out furious.
Ash: First, from Wall Street, the Corporate Corruptor, Zora Luthor!
Colin: And you can see she's not used to being told no.
Zora stops at the ring. She's used to having someone provide a lift for her but without Jenkins she hesitates on whether to use the stairs or go into the ring.
Bianca: She's also not used to doing for herself.
Cindy Sweet charges the ring.
Cindy Sweet tosses Zora Luthor in the ring and calls for the bell.
Bianca: And Cindy Sweet helping solves Zora Luthor's problem getting her in the ring, but I don't think Zora's fight-ready yet!
Colin: Zora still very much in her suit, Cindy throws her across the ropes, POPS HER UP, CATCH INTO A PILEDRIVER! WE TALK SO MUCH ABOUT THE BAKER'S DOZEN THAT WE FORGET ABOUT HER OTHER FINISHER, AND SHE CALLS THAT THE CAKE POP! GOES FOR THE COVER!
1!
2!
3!
Cindy Sweet wins by Pinfall with the Cake Pop!
Ash: Here is your winner and awarded three points, CINDY SWEET!
Hozier "Too Sweet" plays as Cindy walks out of the ring celebrating, high-fiving fans as she goes.
Bianca: And day 4 is in the books! Cindy Sweet caps us off with a short, and yes, sweet, victory and leaves Zora Luthor still in her suit absolutely bewildered in the ring! I'm Bianca Diaz.
Colin: And I'm Colin McRae. Thanks for tuning in and see you tomorrow!
Hozier "Too Sweet" continues to play and Zora Luthor sits in the ring absolutely gobsmacked as we
FADE TO BLACK
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